Times were when you could be assured that all you needed for a nice comfy (or not-so-comfy) seat in the House of Lords was to bung your friendly government minister a few hundred grand to party funds or give a job to the Prime Ministers son. So what do you get for your hard-earned cash these days? A peerage? A knighthood? A poxy bloody OBE? No. All you get these days is the 6 o'clock knock from Inspector Knacker and, if you are lucky, one of these fine t-shirts. "I lent £250k to Tony Blair and all I got was this poxy peerage".

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