Funny T-Shirts From RedMolotov.com

Brought to you by RedMolotov: Hundreds of topical and classic t-shirts

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Comedy t-shirts. Some witty, some stupid, others offensive. From childish to decidedly adult humour, these humourous t-shirts will brighten up your day, as well as the day of (almost!) anyone else you meet.

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Hunter S Thompson: Drugs, Alcohol, Violence, Insanity T-Shirt. Gonzo's premier exponent and gun-toting psychedelic genius, Hunter S Thompson, with his views on narcotics, firearms and mental instability: I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Hunter S Thompson: Drugs, Alcohol, Violence, Insanity T-Shirt

God Never Forgets T-Shirt. For the lord knows all that you do, all that you think, and all that has ever happened. And ever it were so. Apart from when he forgot to tell us about the Jurassic, the Cretaceous, the Triassic and everything about the dinosaurs, the wooly mammoths and the sabre-tooth tigers when he wrote his book.

God Never Forgets T-Shirt

Dead Parrot T-Shirt. A Monty Python Norwegian Blue that is definitely deceased, demised, passed on, no more, ceased to be, expired and gone to meet his maker, a stiff, bereft of life, rests in peace, pushing up the daisies, off the twig, kicked the bucket, snuffed it, shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible, stone dead. An ex-parrot.

Dead Parrot T-Shirt

Neasden Polytechnic T-Shirt

If Found Please Return To The 70s T-Shirt. If you yearn for those heady days of spandex and brown corduroys, of disco and glam rock, of drink driving and the three day week then this is the t-shirt for you. If found, please return to the 1970s.

If Found Please Return To The 70s T-Shirt

Dave Grohl Plays In My Band T-Shirt. Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Probot, Killing Joke, Tenacious D, Queens of the Stone Age... If you require a jobbing session musician for your next album we've got just the man for you, and his name is Dave Grohl.

Dave Grohl Plays In My Band T-Shirt

I Evolved T-Shirt. Acknowledge your simian roots. A suit-wearing chimpanzee accompanied by the legend I evolved.

I Evolved T-Shirt

Fuck Subtlety (Small Print) T-Shirt. Fine or delicate in meaning or intent; difficult to perceive or understand. Fuck it. Printed small and subtle.

Fuck Subtlety (Small Print) T-Shirt

The Apostrophe Protection Society T-Shirt. Dont you just hate it when people cant seem to get the hang of the humble apostrophe? Every week we see literally 100's of examples of it's improper use. Signs', book's and even newspapers' have been known to get it wrong. Its not bloody rocket science!<br>
Use in the event of substituting a letter or letters (such as can't for can not), or in the possessive (except the possessive of it). Do not use for plurals. In the case of a possessive plural, the apostrophe goes after the s. Now write that out a hundred times.

The Apostrophe Protection Society T-Shirt

Jeremy Clarkson T-Shirt. We think Clarkson should have a go at running the country. The inimitable host of the BBC's Top Gear is a bit of a hero of ours and we're sure he'd make sure that the trains ran on time. Well, if he didn't abolish them all that is. Vote Jezza for Prime Minister!

Jeremy Clarkson T-Shirt

Give Me Vodka or Give Me Death T-Shirt. Patrick Henry's American Revolutionary War call to arms is reworked for the 21st century. To hell with liberty! Give me vodka or give me death!

Give Me Vodka or Give Me Death T-Shirt

I Really Do Like Heavy Metal T-Shirt. Slayer, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Motorhead, anything from the Dark Side - we all have our guilty pleasures. Wear this t-shirt with pride and display your appreciation of the devil's music, complete with the sign of the horns. Let's ROCK!

I Really Do Like Heavy Metal T-Shirt

Screw This T-Shirt. Printed in silver, a standard wing or butterfly, rack and pinion, metal corkscrew - used for extracting corks from bottles of wine.

Screw This T-Shirt

The World Is Your Lobster T-Shirt. George Cole and Dennis Waterman, stars of the 80s TV classic Minder. Cole played Arthur Daley in possibly his most famous role - he also appeared in the St Trinian's film as Flash Harry as well as numerous other films and TV shows. Dennis Waterman also starred in the Sweeney.

The World Is Your Lobster T-Shirt

Fuck Subtlety (Large Print) T-Shirt. Fine or delicate in meaning or intent; difficult to perceive or understand. Fuck it. Printed large in an extremely unsubtle way.

Fuck Subtlety (Large Print) T-Shirt

They Don't Like It Up 'Em T-Shirt. Clive Dunn as Lance Corporal Jack Jones in the BBC comedy masterpiece Dad's Army complete with trademark observation: They don't like it up 'em. Don't panic!

They Don't Like It Up 'Em T-Shirt

Vote JR Ewing For President T-Shirt. We've already had one morally vapid, Texan oil baron take his place as the most powerful man in the world, so why not everyone's favourite Dallas anti-hero? The election poster for our prime-time soap star candidate is depicted here, complete with ten gallon Stetson.

Vote JR Ewing For President T-Shirt

Irony T-Shirt. (1): incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2): an event or result marked by such incongruity (3): that which is similar to an iron.

Vegetarians Are Made Of Meat T-Shirt. Have them any way you like: roasted, grilled, poached or smoked. Make use of your friendly local veggie - eat them for dinner.

Vegetarians Are Made Of Meat T-Shirt

Gordon Brown Laugh Now But One Day I'll be In Charge T-Shirt. Oh, but it all seemed like such a good idea at the time. Gordon Brown: Laugh now, but one day I'll be in charge.

Gordon Brown "Laugh Now But One Day I'll be In Charge" T-Shirt

Full English Breakfast T-Shirt. In outline: Two rashers of bacon, sausage, fried egg, fried tomato, mushrooms and two toast. Sorts you out. Lovely.

Full English Breakfast T-Shirt

US Waterboarding Team T-Shirt. Fighting for truth, justice and the American way, from Tashkent to Guantanamo and anywhere else that apprehended suspects can be moved extrajudicially. 1) tie suspect up 2) restrain subject on their back with face upward and head tilted slightly back 3) cover face with hood or similar 4) pour water over face and into breathing passages. Cooperation guaranteed.

US Waterboarding Team T-Shirt

Warning: Contains Mild Violence and Frequent Sex References T-Shirt. Don't let them say you didn't warn them...

Warning: Contains Mild Violence and Frequent Sex References T-Shirt

Kill Bambi T-Shirt. Right, that's the mother dealt with. Now for the little 'un...

Kill Bambi T-Shirt

Gordon Brown The End Is Nigh T-Shirt. Repent your sins for the end approaches. No support. No ideas. No money. The (unelected) British Prime Minister? The End is Nigh!

Gordon Brown "The End Is Nigh" T-Shirt

Romani Ite Domum - Romans Go Home T-Shirt. Protest and civil disobedience from Monty Python's Life of Brian Brian has just been caught by a Centurion painting an anti-Roman slogan and gets an impromptu Latin lesson for his troubles.<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: What is this then? Romanes eunt domus, People called Romanes they go the house?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: It..it says, Romans, go home!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: No, it doesn't! What's Latin for Roman? [grabs Brian's ear] Come on, come on!<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Romanus!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Goes like?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Annus!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Vocative plural of annus is...?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Anni?<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: [writes] Romani. And eunt? What is eunt?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Go! Let-<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Conjugate the verb to go.<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Ire; eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: So eunt is...?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Third person plural, present indicative. They go!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: But Romans, go home is an order, so you must use the...?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: The... imperative!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Which is...?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: I!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: [twisting Brian's ear] How many Romans?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: [yelling] I.. Plural, plural! Ite, ite!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: [writing] Ite. Domus? Nominative? But go home, it is motion towards, isn't it, boy?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Dative, sir!<br>
[The centurion promptly draws his swords and presses it against Brian's throat. Brian yells:]<br>No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! The... accusative, accusative! Domum, sir, ad domum!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Except that domus takes the...?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: The locative, sir!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Which is?<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Domum!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: [writing] Domum... -um [sheathing his sword] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times!<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Yes, sir, thank you, sir! Hail Caesar!<br>
<strong>Centurion</strong>: Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off!<br>
<strong>Brian</strong>: Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir!

Romani Ite Domum - Romans Go Home T-Shirt

Tesco Value Baked Beans Tin T-Shirt. Andy Warhol's 1962 Campbell's Coup Can given a 21st century makeover. If pop-art is intended to be a mirror on contemporary society, then this is surely the ideal subject for the modern age: one of the most recognisable, yet mundane, brands in modern Britain. Tesco Value beans in tomato sauce, in a tin.

Tesco Value Baked Beans Tin T-Shirt

Nonce Sense T-Shirt. As worn by Phil Collins in Chris Morris' Paedogeddon Brass Eye episode, one of the most controversial, and in our opinion one of the best, TV programmes in history. Why can we no longer think of the British Isles without the word paedoph in front of them? I'm talking nonce-sense.

Nonce Sense T-Shirt

Sir Alan Sugar You're Fired T-Shirt. The pantomime villain from the Apprentice TV show, Sir Alan Sugar. Pictured here in his younger days alongside his trademark catchphrase You're fired in Amstrad style font.

Sir Alan Sugar "You're Fired" T-Shirt

Trotters Independent Trading T-Shirt

Jim'll Fix It: Jim Fixed It For Me T-Shirt

Say No To Cake T-Shirt. As seen on Brass Eye's investigation into Czech made-up drug cake and endorsed by F.U.K.D. and B.O.M.B.D (Free the United Kingdom From Drugs and British Opposition to Metabolically Bisturbile Drugs). What is Cake? Well, it has an active ingredient which is a dangerous psychoactive compound known as dimesmeric andersonphosphate. It stimulates the part of the brain called Shatner's Bassoon. And that's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. So, a second feels like a month. Well, it almost sounds like fun...unless you're the Prague schoolboy who walked out into the street straight in front of a tram. He thought he'd got a month to cross the street. In the words of Bernard Manning: One kiddy on Cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt. It's a fucking disgrace.

Say No To Cake T-Shirt

Subversion Incorporated T-Shirt. Subversion n. the act or an instance of subverting a legally constituted government, institution, etc. Incorporated vb. organised and maintained as a legal corporation

Subversion Incorporated T-Shirt

Lily Tomlin Rat Race Quote T-Shirt. A t-shirt design celebrating American actress and comedienne Lily Tomlin's views on the modern world: The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat

Lily Tomlin "Rat Race" Quote T-Shirt

Primum Ego Tum Ego Deinde Ego T-Shirt. Latin for First I, then I, thereafter I (or me, me, me)

Primum Ego Tum Ego Deinde Ego T-Shirt

Democracy: Some Assembly Required T-Shirt. The perils of having to ensure that everywhere in the world conforms to your own definition of the term freedom, be that the freedom to have you choose their leaders for them, the freedom to sell you lots of oil, or the freedom to prop-up corrupt or illegal regimes, or even overthrow legitimate ones.

Democracy: Some Assembly Required T-Shirt

Tea Making Diagram - I Love Tea T-Shirt. Instructions for producing the perfect cuppa. Water a 100 degrees Celsius, brew for five minutes and add milk and sugar to taste. Mine's milk with none. I Love Tea.

Tea Making Diagram - I Love Tea T-Shirt

Carl Sagan is my Homeboy T-Shirt. Celebrating the fabled astronomer, scientist, religious sceptic and all round promoter of the existence of little green men. ...but if by 'God,' one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity

Carl Sagan is my Homeboy T-Shirt

I'm Thinking Thought Crimes: Kitten T-Shirt. Beware the power of thought. It could land you in trouble.

I'm Thinking Thought Crimes: Kitten T-Shirt

One Hundred Percent Prole T-Shirt. And the Ministry had not only to supply the multifarious needs of the party, but also to repeat the whole operation at a lower level for the benefit of the proletariat. There was a whole chain of separate departments dealing with proletarian literature, music, drama, and entertainment generally. Here were produced rubbishy newspapers containing almost nothing except sport, crime and astrology, sensational five-cent novelettes, films oozing with sex, and sentimental songs which were composed entirely by mechanical means on a special kind of kaleidoscope known as a versificator. There was even a whole sub-section -- Pornosec, it was called in Newspeak -- engaged in producing the lowest kind of pornography, which was sent out in sealed packets and which no Party member, other than those who worked on it, was permitted to look at.... If there was hope, it must lie in the proles, because only there in those swarming disregarded masses, 85 per cent of the population of Oceania, could the force to destroy the Party ever be generated. The Party could not be overthrown from within. Its enemies, if it had any enemies, had no way of coming together or even of identifying one another. Even if the legendary Brotherhood existed, as just possibly it might, it was inconceivable that its members could ever assemble in larger numbers than twos and threes. Rebellion meant a look in the eyes, an inflexion of the voice, at the most, an occasional whispered word. But the proles, if only they could somehow become conscious of their own strength. would have no need to conspire. They needed only to rise up and shake themselves like a horse shaking off flies. If they chose they could blow the Party to pieces tomorrow morning. Surely sooner or later it must occur to them to do it? And yet-!

One Hundred Percent Prole T-Shirt

Cassette Tape T-Shirt. Taken from a time when technology was considerably more hands-on. This diagram comes from an instruction manual where the user is shown how to deal with the dreaded tape-chewing cassette player.

Cassette Tape T-Shirt

London 2012: The Drugs Will Work, The Trains Won't T-Shirt. A very British Olympics. Several billion pounds over budget, based in a part of the country which is inconvenient and expensive to travel to for the vast majority of the population; a vanity project dreamed up by those in power who would be glad to see public attention diverted towards some populist pie-in the-sky rather than concerning themselves with the mess that so much of the country is in. And on top of that the majority of the athletes will probably be on drugs. And the trains will be crap.

London 2012: The Drugs Will Work, The Trains Won't T-Shirt

40 is the Old Age of Youth... T-Shirt. 50 is the Youth of Old Age. OK, so we are all getting older. Grey hair, crows' feet, incessant aches and pains where once there were none. Perhaps you are even starting to grow your forehead? Whatever your situation, you can be guaranteed (well, sort of) to be cheered-up with these words of wisdom from the great Victor Hugo: forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age

40 is the Old Age of Youth... T-Shirt

I Love Tea: List Of Teas T-Shirt. A list of some of the finest varieties and blends of tea. We love them all. Featuring everything from Earl Grey to English Breakfast and from rooibos to oolong.

I Love Tea: List Of Teas T-Shirt

Morecambe and Wise T-Shirt. Eric and Ernie. Morecambe and Wise. Two of the greatest comic performers ever. What do you think of it so far? Rubbish!

Morecambe and Wise T-Shirt

I'm Thinking Thought Crimes: Brain T-Shirt. Complete with an MRI of a person's skull. For anyone who doesn't want the world to know their thoughts.

I'm Thinking Thought Crimes: Brain T-Shirt

Andrew Neil T-Shirt. As seen in countless hundreds of issues of Private Eye magazine, the classic picture of old Brillo Pad, resplendent in his vest and baseball cap, embracing his beau.

Andrew Neil T-Shirt

Norman Wisdom T-Shirt. A classic image of great 60s slapstick comedy star Norman Wisdom. Apparently the only western actor whose films were allowed in Hoxha's Albania.

Norman Wisdom T-Shirt

Three Flying Ducks T-Shirt. The archetypal British working-class living-room wall art. As seen everywhere from Coronation Street to Wallace and Gromit.

Three Flying Ducks T-Shirt

Dolly The Sheep T-Shirt. One of the major scientific achievements of the late 20th Century. A sheep named Dolly and her clone, Dolly.

Dolly The Sheep T-Shirt

Warning: Contains Nuts T-Shirt. A word of caution to anyone afflicted with a nutter allergy: Keep away.

Warning: Contains Nuts T-Shirt

The Osmonds T-Shirt. Alan, Wayne, Merrill, Jay and Donny: The Osmonds. 1970s supergroup. True rockers.

The Osmonds T-Shirt

Petrolhead T-Shirt. The traditional jerry can. Appropriately approximately the size and shape of a heart as it appears on this design.

Petrolhead T-Shirt

Ratners "Total Crap" T-Shirt

BoJo For London T-Shirt. Show your support for Boris Johnson, affectionately known as BoJo in his bid to become president of that terribly big city with all those jolly nice buildings, what.

BoJo For London T-Shirt

Duncan Bannatyne T-Shirt. Everyone's favourite Dragon. Well, apart from Peter Jones maybe. And that James Khan seems a very nice bloke. Deborah Meaden frankly scares us though. Star of the BBC TV show Dragons' Den, Duncan Bannatyne is shown here accompanied by a typical riposte delivered to the likes of some fool who has come up with the genius idea of printing topical t-shirts and selling them online: I don't like the product, I don't think it would sell, it's not a viable business, and I'm no so keen on you... and, for that reason, I'M OUT!

Duncan Bannatyne T-Shirt

Boris Johnson For PM Leather Wallet . Our famous Boris For PM t-shirt design celebrating everyone's favourite Tory MP and London Mayor is now available as a grey leather wallet. Badger, badger, badger, badger

Boris Johnson For PM Leather Wallet

Save The Stegosaurus T-Shirt. Because extinction is forever. Forget the panda, the whale or even the red squirrel, safeguard the future of everyone's favourite dinosaur.

Save The Stegosaurus T-Shirt

Tony Hancock T-Shirt. Comedy genius of the 50s and 60s who laid down many of the foundations of modern comedy in Hancock's Half Hour.

Tony Hancock T-Shirt

I Am Perfect T-Shirt. The equation of the golden ratio

I Am Perfect T-Shirt

Governor of New Jersey: Tony Soprano T-Shirt. Anthony John Soprano, Sr. Leader of the DiMeo crime family and principal character in the Sopranos. The Boss.

Governor of New Jersey: Tony Soprano T-Shirt

Tommy Cooper T-Shirt. A sadly missed comedy legend, complete with trademark fez. I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already

Tommy Cooper T-Shirt

Idiots Outside T-Shirt

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster T-Shirt. The effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. The Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster T-Shirt

I Bleeding Heart Liberal T-Shirt. Champion every cause of the poor and oppressed. Even those that inconveniently contradict some of the others causes that you are championing. Just remember: it's all your fault. Everything.

I Bleeding Heart Liberal T-Shirt

Immoral Minority T-Shirt. Do you feel isolated from the oft-quoted

Immoral Minority T-Shirt

Not Part of the Solution, Part of the Precipitate T-Shirt. Uber-Science Geekiness. Solid formed within a solution by a chemical reaction, therefore if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.

Not Part of the Solution, Part of the Precipitate T-Shirt

Save Schrodinger's Cat T-Shirt. Is Schrodinger's cat alive? Is it dead? Or is it, in reality, a mixture of the two? We have no idea; especially as it is a question that has puzzled the best quantum physicists for over 70 years. All we know is that it sounds like rather a cruel thing to do to poor old Tiddles.

Save Schrodinger's Cat T-Shirt

Marxism: Making Property History T-Shirt. Join the campaign to help the poor and oppressed. Yes, become a Marxist and make sure that no one has any more than anyone else. In theory.

Marxism: Making Property History T-Shirt

Guy Fawkes Vote Guido T-Shirt. The only man to ever enter parliament with honourable intentions. Monarchy? House of Lords? Just follow in the footsteps of the original terrorist and blow the lot of them to high heaven.

Guy Fawkes "Vote Guido" T-Shirt

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again? T-Shirt. The staple of every IT support technician when presented with an unfathomable computer problem. Have you also, perhaps, tried hitting it with a large sledgehammer?

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again? T-Shirt

Peter Cook T-Shirt. Classic British satirist who was the former proprietor of Private Eye and gave us, amongst many other things, Not Only... But Also.

Peter Cook T-Shirt

The Revolution Will Not Be YouTubed T-Shirt. A 21st century take on a decidedly 20th century slogan. The Internet is the future, and anyone can be a celebrity...

The Revolution Will Not Be YouTubed T-Shirt

Oscar Wilde Within Their Means Quote T-Shirt. Great Victorian playwright and wit Oscar Wilde's quote which resonates loudly in today's debt-ridden society: Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination

Oscar Wilde "Within Their Means" Quote T-Shirt

The Third Child Is Always The Difficult One T-Shirt. For all third-born children. The devil resides within you.

The Third Child Is Always The Difficult One T-Shirt

Bruce Brucie Forsyth T-Shirt. The much-loved Bruce Forsyth, host of countless game shows and light-entertainment spectaculars along with your choice of Brucie catchphrase: Good game, good game, Nice to see you, to see you nice, Nothing for a pair, not in this game and, of course, Didn't he do well?

Bruce "Brucie" Forsyth T-Shirt

Carbon Is A Girl's Best Friend' T-Shirt. Several glittering carats of pure carbon polymorph, known to some people simply as diamonds. Printed in silver.

Carbon Is A Girl's Best Friend' T-Shirt

Ich Bin Ein Berliner T-Shirt. So, the whole I am a doughnut thing may well disappointingly prove to be something of an urban legend, but we still like the idea!

Ich Bin Ein Berliner T-Shirt

Sorry, I'm Not Here To Fix Your Computer T-Shirt. So you know a thing or two about this whole Interweb thing, and you can tell your USB from your IEEE? Do you also then find that on arrival at anyone’s home or place of work you are instantly regaled with tales of their IT woes and implored to spend the next six hours deleting porn from their PC? Well, do something about it then: wear this t-shirt.

Sorry, I'm Not Here To Fix Your Computer T-Shirt

Drying Baby Instructions T-Shirt. Useful advice for new parents. Keep baby out of tumble dryer.

Drying Baby Instructions T-Shirt

This T-Shirt Intentionally Left Blank T-Shirt. The concept of the glorious juxtaposition of contradictory text (this page intentionally left blank) on no-longer blank page writ large on a t-shirt (or mug).

This T-Shirt Intentionally Left Blank T-Shirt

Professional Yorkshireman T-Shirt. Geoff Boycott, Michael Parkinson, Fred Trueman et al eat your heart out. Say what you like and like what you bloody well say. Choose between Professional Yorkshireman and Professional Yorkshire Lass.

Professional Yorkshireman T-Shirt

Po 210 Sushi T-Shirt. Served-up at all well renowned Russian buffets. Enjoy some Polonium 210 with your raw fish at Po-210 Sushi.

Po 210 Sushi T-Shirt

Rodin's I Think T-Shirt. Auguste Rodin's most famous work, re-worked for the 21st century and demonstrating modern meditation methods.

Rodin's I Think T-Shirt

Don't Mess With Texas T-Shirt. More than an anti-litter campaign, it's a state-wide attitude.

Don't Mess With Texas T-Shirt

Polonium 210 T-Shirt. Every Russian secret agent's favourite element: Polonium. Taken straight from the periodic table. Drop some in your sushi today.

Polonium 210 T-Shirt

Her Majesty's Prison Australia T-Shirt. Nice weather, attractive beaches, stunning coral reefs, wild outback (and thousands of deadly snakes, spiders and crocodiles). Too good for a bunch of convicts, surely?

Her Majesty's Prison Australia T-Shirt

Monkey Banana Gun T-Shirt. Don't do it, monkey! The ape clearly having had enough. Goodbye cruel world.

Monkey Banana Gun T-Shirt

Nonconformist T-Shirt. Wear you sign of nonconformity with pride. Because who wants to conform to the ideal of others?

Nonconformist T-Shirt

Support Our Troops Stormtrooper T-Shirt. Your Empire needs you. Come over to the Dark Side and support the fight for domination of the Galaxy.

Support Our Troops Stormtrooper T-Shirt

I Shot Diana T-Shirt. Some would say that the people's princess was bumped off by Prince Philip, whilst others have the paparazzi on the grassy knoll taking aim at the queen of hearts. Mo Fayed and Dirty Des clearly think they know the truth, but was it really you?

I Shot Diana T-Shirt

Darwin Fish T-Shirt. Creationism? Intelligent design? Organised religion? A likely story! Show your support for evolution and Darwinism: the universal truth.

Darwin Fish T-Shirt

Say No To Emo T-Shirt. Some have been known to call this music angst-ridden, whiny, noisy crap for wannabe-nihilist teenage kids. All we know is that it is <strong>evil</strong> and <strong>must be stopped</strong>. Spread the word: say no to emo.

Say No To Emo T-Shirt

Godless Commie Scum T-Shirt. A bit on the red side? Bolshevik? Marxist-Leninist? Trotskyite? If that is what you are then you should be honest with yourself and tell the world how it is.

Godless Commie Scum T-Shirt

Woody Allen T-Shirt. The man who brought us Annie Hall, Sleeper, Bananas, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask), Hannah and Her Sisters and many, many, many others. Neurotic cinematic genius.

Woody Allen T-Shirt

I Am Not A Terrorist (I'm Just Brazillian) T-Shirt. Do you find that you cannot run for the tube these days without abruptly being pinned down by undercover firearms officers and shot seven times in the head? If so, you really ought to have one of these.

I Am Not A Terrorist (I'm Just Brazillian) T-Shirt

I Am Not A Terrorist (I'm Just Bearded) T-Shirt. Does your 12-inch beard cause you problems with the authorities? Fed up of being taken aside for extra questioning at airports? Do you get stopped on the street regularly by police? Do you have a dozen police snipers camped in the house across the road from you? Make sure you get the message across.

I Am Not A Terrorist (I'm Just Bearded) T-Shirt

Gordon Ramsey T-Shirt. Worst fucking meal fucking ever. You cunt.

Gordon Ramsey T-Shirt

Grenadehead T-Shirt. Suited-up and ready to blow.

Grenadehead T-Shirt

God Bless America T-Shirt. George Washington gets the Sex Pistols' God Save The Queen treatment. No Future?

God Bless America T-Shirt

Gordon Is A Moron T-Shirt. His legacy as Chancellor: dozens of tax rises, rising poverty and homelessness, increasing interest rates, record levels of debt and the farcical tax-credits system. Then he goes and becomes Prime Minister without even being elected by his party, let alone the greater masses that he serves. Gordon Brown is a moron.

Gordon Is A Moron T-Shirt

John Prezza Prescott T-Shirt. Two jags, two women, one punch. Heavyweight title contender who floats like a tub of lard and stings like a... er... croquet mallet.

John "Prezza" Prescott T-Shirt

Winston Churchill Mohican T-Shirt. A national hero who opposed giving women the right to vote, sent in the army against striking miners, advocated the use of mustard gas against uncivilised tribes and ordered the carpet bombing of Dresden when the German army was already all but defeated. Based on one of the enduring images of the 2000 May Day riots.

Winston Churchill Mohican T-Shirt

Tiswas T-Shirt. ITV's Saturday morning wake-up, complete with custard pies and the bucket of water song. Responsible for inflicting Chris Tarrant on an unsuspecting audience

Cash For Honours (all I got was this poxy peerage) T-Shirt. Times were when you could be assured that all you needed for a nice comfy (or not-so-comfy) seat in the House of Lords was to bung your friendly government minister a few hundred grand to party funds or give a job to the Prime Ministers son. So what do you get for your hard-earned cash these days? A peerage? A knighthood? A poxy bloody OBE? No. All you get these days is the 6 o'clock knock from Inspector Knacker and, if you are lucky, one of these fine t-shirts. I lent £250k to Tony Blair and all I got was this poxy peerage.

Cash For Honours (all I got was this poxy peerage) T-Shirt

Percy Thrower T-Shirt. Were you part of the infamous November 1983 Blue Peter Garden make-over team? Do you take pride in being referred to by the pipe-smoking children's TV gardener that fateful day as mentally ill live on air? (let's hope Joey Deacon wasn't listening) If so, you deserve this t-shirt. You bastard.

Percy Thrower T-Shirt

The Ministry Of Silly Walks T-Shirt. John Cleese in Monty Python guise. Unfortunately the government spends far too much on Defence, Social Security, Health, Housing and Education to properly finance Silly Walks these days.

The Ministry Of Silly Walks T-Shirt

Spike Milligan I Told You I Was Ill T-Shirt. Author, comedian, Goon and scourge of Hitler and Muzak. The funniest person of the last 1000 years (according to a BBC poll), together with his epitaph: I told you I was ill.

Spike Milligan "I Told You I Was Ill" T-Shirt

Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog T-Shirt. One of the most beloved television personalities of the 1980s...and Bob Carolgees too! Tiswas' finest, complete with expectorating canine puppet.

Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog T-Shirt

Ford, You're Turning Into A Penguin. Stop It. T-Shirt. The effects of the Infinite Improbability Drive from the Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy on Ford Prefect.

Ford, You're Turning Into A Penguin. Stop It. T-Shirt

D-List Celebrity T-Shirt. Have you ever been on Big Brother? How about having your self-respect stripped from you by Simon Cowell on X Factor? Do you dream of being a Pop Idol? Or simply aspire to appear in the glossy pages of OK along with Pete and Jordan? If the answer is yes to any of the above then make sure you wear your ambition with pride with our D-List Celeb range.

D-List Celebrity T-Shirt

The Hawks T-Shirt

Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap T-Shirt. Look, it's an undeniable fact. Don't try bundling lardy into the back of your hatchback.

Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap T-Shirt

Middle Eastern Holiday T-Shirt. I've got to go, but what a prize to give/Package deal to the sun, everything is inclusive/Where bullet holes, scar the minarets/Smoke on the horizon a beautiful sunset.

Middle Eastern Holiday T-Shirt

Judean People's Front T-Shirt. Declare you allegiance: you can only be one or the other. Splitter! From Monty Python's Life of Brian.

Judean People's Front T-Shirt

People's Front of Judea T-Shirt. Declare you allegiance: you can only be one or the other. Splitter! From Monty Python's Life of Brian.

People's Front of Judea T-Shirt

(Not The Prophet) Muhammad T-Shirt. A picture of Muhammad. Our lawyers tell us to categorically state that this is merely a picture of some bloke called Mo and is in no way connected with the sixth century prophet of the same name. Choose either a black or white print.

(Not The Prophet) Muhammad T-Shirt

Chilled T-Shirt. Fridge symbol signifying chilling to sub-zero. Simply chilled, man. Totally chilled.

Chilled T-Shirt

1984 Robot Dance T-Shirt. Dancing to electro-pop like a robot in 1984. The famous, futuristic dancing robot. Groovy.

1984 Robot Dance T-Shirt

Holy Mary Gangster T-Shirt. Our Lady, the Virgin Mary, throwing some gang signs and packing a piece.

Holy Mary Gangster T-Shirt

Eat The Rich T-Shirt. Famous punk and/or anarchist slogan complete with pig. Tasty with apple sauce. Because the bourgeoisie do have a use.

Eat The Rich T-Shirt

Masturbation Sends You Blind T-Shirt. Exactly how did that cute cuddly bear get his visual impairment? And just what is that strange, faraway expression on his face? Listen to your mothers, kids...

Masturbation Sends You Blind T-Shirt

Breast is Best T-Shirt. A slogan to live by, from the cradle to the grave. Mmmmm.

Breast is Best T-Shirt

Punk Lives T-Shirt. Because punk will never die! For anyone still squeezing into those bondage trousers or sticking a safety pin through their nose at weekends despite masquerading as a chartered accountant by day.

Punk Lives T-Shirt

iRaq: iPod Spoof - Saddam Statue T-Shirt

Die Alien Scum T-Shirt. If like us, you used to watch in terror as the evil alien space invaders moved inexorably towards you, all the time firing their deadly shield-destroying weapons whilst beeping menacingly, you'll love this design. Printed in silver.

Die Alien Scum T-Shirt

Ian Hislop T-Shirt. Esteemed Private Eye editor, Have I Got News For You panellist and the most sued man in English legal history (allegedly). Here with his quote on emerging from yet another legal hammering (this time at the hands of Sonia Sutcliffe, wife of the Yorkshire Ripper): If this is justice, I'm a banana.

Ian Hislop T-Shirt

Sweatshop T-Shirt. Why wear a Nike Swoosh, when you can wear a tick? Show solidarity with those workers earning minimum wage in Indonesia and Vietnam, or simply revel in the fact that a westerner doing the same job will get paid over 30 times as much (and the companies they work for will still make a profit).

Sweatshop T-Shirt